“How long have you been divorced?”
My answer’s rote: separated for almost six years, divorced for four and a half.
Until now, I’ve considered my divorce a noun. Aside from the administrative actions: filing of paperwork and the official stamping of a dissolution date, it’s been a thing of the past. Done. Final.
And then–last week I received the title report (for the sale of my home).
There was a comma after my name. I’m used to seeing my yoga credentials follow me around, but not this, not, Husband and Wife.
My throat fell into my gut. I haven’t seen those words associated with me in years.
I sobered up in that moment. Denial walked out. Reality walked in; I’m divorcing, still. I’m grieving, still.
It hit me: I don’t think I ever really grieved my divorce, because, I’ve still been in it, in my marriage, in this home, surrounded by these memories, even though that life left over half a decade ago.
Divorce is a process, a verb that acts up when it’s least expected: in a piece of paper, or in a picture that falls out of a book salvaged from the innards of a cabinet.
My reality is this:
I’m in it, still: in the process of divorcing my old life. I’m grieving a death, not only the death of my marriage, but the death of my identity, too: of who I was, once upon a time. ~Rebecca
beautifully said…..thank you
Thankyou Rebecca for your article about Loving Divorce
It has been deeply helpful to me in approaching and finally deciding to separate from my marriage of 18 yrs. Nic and I are,so far, continuing to love each other through this process which is so much better for us both and for our three boys.
I am still very much grieving but it helps.