Don’t Be Jealous.

I have jealousy.

It waxes and wanes, conditional on my level of productivity, creativity, busyness and boredom. It’s always at its height when I’m not in it: in my flow, focused and directed by the guide of inspiration.

I leave my self to search frantically for what I’m not and what I wish I could be. I’m missing something. I’m missing…

Arrive jealousy.

I trick myself into thinking he/she/they have something I don’t, something better than what I am and what I have to offer. Fire rises from the base of my belly all the way up to my ears.

Shit. I hate this feeling. I’m not nice or sweet or calm when I’m in this. I’m so fucking ugly; I disgust myself.

He/she/they become a threat, and all I can obsess over is what they are and what I’m not and I start to resent them, fear them, like they’re going to steal my spirit and leave me with nothing. I am nothing in these moments, worthless, useless.

And then—I come to and I remember, jealousy is easily extinguished.

How? Jealousy is a sedentary activity.

The solution is to walk back inside, pick up my pen, place my fingers on the keys and do what I love.

Poof! I’m nice again, all glow-y and goddess-y.

During my little breaks from impassioned action, I look out with appreciation for he/she/they.

There’s equal space for all of us; I remind myself each and every day. ~Rebecca

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailFacebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

One thought on “Don’t Be Jealous.

  1. Hi Rebecca,

    I appreciate your talent and your openness and really enjoy reading your writing. I think what you say here could also apply to any type of resentment or anger that one may hold towards another. It’s a form of Mindfulness that brings one’s self back into the present moment and shifting thoughts to the here and now. Thank you, Rebecca for sharing your feelings. You are very inspiring.

    Steph

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *