Last month I cleaned out my closet and unearthed the kimono, smashed between two tops that never fit me quite right. It’s simple and elegant. I bought it a few years ago because I felt confident in it. I thought I’d save it for a special occasion, for a Boho-chic outfit that needed a little more chic, yet, that’s not when I wear it. I wear it on the least special of occasions, when no one is around and the gold thread reflects the birth and death of each day. I wear it for myself…
“So, what are your plans tonight?”
“The girls and I are going to see a movie and then home to celebrate on New York time. That’s it.”
“Aw, honey, you’re alone tonight?” She didn’t attempt to hide her motherly concern.
“Mom, this is a good thing. I choose to be alone tonight. I’m celebrating it actually.” Her tone immediately shifted to delight.
My kimono of confidence certainly doesn’t hide the scars of romanticism, they’re there, but I no longer feel like I’m missing something, or someone. I knew I’d matured when I stopped setting a fourth placemat on the dinner table each night. It began to look silly. Three. Three is family.
2016 has been equal parts challenging and liberating. This has been a year of cleaning, discarding, letting go and starting anew. Like some of the clothes in my closet, I held on to certain relationships and responsibilities in my life because I was afraid of what I’d discover if I let go of the excess, of distracting, unsuitable relationships and ill-fitting thoughts and obligations.
It turns out, when I got rid of the clutter, I found the confidence to let go, move on, and create space for myself to wear a life that’s true and tailor made just for me.
Hello, 2017. ~Rebecca