I love you, but I can’t say it.

To my tongue tied lovers out there, allow me to untie you.

Let me release you from the knots of fear. Can I tell you a secret? You already say it. You say “I love you” every day. You say it with a hug; you say it with your presence; you say it with the dinner you made me and the smile you flashed. You even said it in class today, “Namaste.”

Namaste is just a sexier more ancient way to say, “I love you.” Sneaky Sanskrit, she tricked you. You’ve been breathing I love you all over the yoga room, and you didn’t even know it.

Namaste can be translated many different ways:

I bow to you.

The divine in me recognizes the divine in you.

The light in me sees the light in you.

My daughter says “Namaste” means, “My heart hugs your heart.” I like that one.

There are so many ways to translate this word, but when we simplify it even more, “Namaste” sings, I love you.

Phew! See? You are relieved already. Saying it for the first time is the most difficult knot to unbind, and you’ve done that. Now, you just have to muster up the English utterance.

When I say I love you, I am saying I love me. I love another because I see myself in the heart of the person I am honoring with those sweet words.

The words “I love you” should not be held hostage; they should be released and freed. They are not meant to be guarded, but given. “The more we give, the more we receive,” I know it’s the corniest one in the quote book, but it’s the truest.

If you are struggling with saying these words, then keep holding them in, observe what happens. Spend a day not smiling, not helping another, not saying, “Namaste” at the end of  yoga class, not joining your friend for her birthday lunch and notice what comes your way.

I’m no clairvoyant, but I’m seeing a sh*tty day for you. No one will smile back, no one will help you, your friend will feel hurt, and united will not be the feeling that arises from your yoga practice.

When you withhold love, whether it be in action or words, you are withholding love from yourself. You are proclaiming through your actions, you are not worthy of being loved or acknowledged, because you don’t love yourself.

I’m not trying to squeeze your balls or make you want to jump out the window; I want you to know, you are not alone.

I have had those days too, sometimes weeks, when my phone is almost silent; there are no red light ups under my notifications on Facebook and I am greeted by unrest everywhere I go. Those are the days and the weeks when I’m not feeling good about myself. I question myself and give in to my insecurities like an alcoholic to liquor. I keep myself locked up and detached from my heart. If I can’t see my heart, neither can anyone else.

The glorious thing about life is that another day awaits.

Perhaps today is the day you decide to give it all away, and throw away the bottle of fear and self-doubt. Maybe today, you decide to pop the cork of Namaste. You smile at the person on the subway, and when you bow at the end of class, you Namaste the crap out of every yogi in the room. You treat your friend to lunch, and as you are sitting there, you look into her eyes and notice a reflection; you see someone looking right back at you and without even thinking, you say, “I love you.”

Saying “I love you” has nothing to do with the person sitting across from you; it has everything to do with you. When you love yourself, you love everyone and you aren’t afraid to say it.


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