Love Interrupts, Refrain.

I struggle constantly with whether or not to write about life post-divorce.

There is so much to say. I live in a state of constant evolvement, new territory and tsunamis of grief. Every day presents new challenges. It’s not easy, and I know there are many of you out there who feel the same: attempting to navigate single parenthood without a GPS, too.

I was initially candid about my separation and divorce, however, now I must proceed with caution, for the sake of my children.

My daughters need peace to thrive.

But, there are times, I think about all of you, who sit on the same bleacher with your children’s other parent and his or her new spouse. You feel about the size of a pea, smashed into the brittle grass below, not because anything happened, but because it’s unexplainably uncomfortable. The silence rattles history awake, and you feel like you want to run far, far away.

I don’t want it to feel this way. So, I write about it in private. I can’t write about it out loud, not yet; the girls need to be grown and self-actualized.

They need to summit the treacherous terrain of relationships before I can do it, so they understand.

It pains me, because, I think we all need each other the most now. The fractured family is the new way. Our willingness to share our experiences helps guide us through.

I wrote this poem this morning. I’m torn because I want to write it all, but my job is to protect my children’s hearts…

 

I’ve been tracing, hesitating.

There’s so much to say, but love interrupts, refrain.

I do not regret the work I’ve done.

It comes from a place that revives the numb.

I do it for survival; every writer does, to stop the spiral.

Otherwise, apathy goes viral.

Life presents new material each day,

But there are pieces I reserve for someday…

Breaking their hearts will not be my greatest mistake–

An unfathomable trade for a name

There’s so much to say, but love interrupts, refrain.

~Rebecca

 

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