Sometimes, Being Alone Sucks.

I was born an incurable romantic —

Not in the “believing in Prince Charming” type of way, but in this, “It goes without saying — I get who you are, you get who I am, come here and grab my hand, let’s make love and maybe a couple of babies, eat chili or mac n’ cheese out of the pot with one spoon, while we sit outside in our adirondack chairs under a blanket together” type of way.

You could say I’m aiming high, but I don’t think so. I don’t need perfect, just perfect for me, and the older I get, the more I just want a companion. There’s nothing sexier to me than sitting side-by-side at a restaurant, talking, or reading, or working — sharing time and space with another person who wants to be there just as much as I do, and couldn’t imagine being anywhere else — that’s what heals the incurable part of me.

We live in an age where this hard core feminist, live alone/die alone, autonomous archetype is imposed upon us — We should be completely content with being alone, taking care of ourselves alone, eating alone, vacationing alone, living alone.

To which I call, bullshit. Sometimes, being alone sucks. 

There, I said it. Does that make me desperate? No. It makes me human. We aren’t meant to do this alone. Raising a family alone, witnessing life alone — It’s unnatural and unhealthy. This life is meant to be shared.

I love my alone time to recharge, rest, create, work, and dance naked. Moments of aloneness are just what the soul orders on a daily basis, but there’s this place in my heart that aches every day, for that side-by- side “eating out of the same bowl” experience.

The hardest part for me is being patient — Continuing to live my life fully, without being distracted by the dream or desire to meet the right companion.

This is my daily practice — to keep eating out of the bowl, while sitting under the blanket by myself, and enjoy it. Yet, I can’t help that feeling which always seems to rise, no matter what I do — The yearning for connection, soul connection.

Do you know that feeling, too? When connection becomes a reality?

When your mind finally quiets down. You’re not on guard anymore. You can settle into your bones, rest your head upon a steady shoulder, and know that it’s ok to close your eyes, or maybe even fall asleep because he’s got you, he’s there, by your side. ~Rebecca

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2 thoughts on “Sometimes, Being Alone Sucks.

  1. Thanks for your sharing – happy to hear there are other fellow hopelessly “incurable romantics” somewhere, out there, who as you express:

    “It goes without saying — I get who you are, you get who I am, come here and grab my hand, let’s make love and maybe a couple of babies, eat chili or mac n’ cheese out of the pot with one spoon, while we sit outside in our adirondack chairs under a blanket together”

    Love that!

    It is unfortunate that paying the bills sometimes gets in the way of the marriage you had thought was the “perfect for me companion” to share your life with who also (or so you thought) shared this same “perfect for me-ness.”

    Yep – still incurable though… (-;

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