I was born an incurable romantic —
Not in the “believing in Prince Charming” type of way, but in this, “It goes without saying — I get who you are, you get who I am, come here and grab my hand, let’s make love and maybe a couple of babies, eat chili or mac n’ cheese out of the pot with one spoon, while we sit outside in our adirondack chairs under a blanket together” type of way.
You could say I’m aiming high, but I don’t think so. I don’t need perfect, just perfect for me, and the older I get, the more I just want a companion. There’s nothing sexier to me than sitting side-by-side at a restaurant, talking, or reading, or working — sharing time and space with another person who wants to be there just as much as I do, and couldn’t imagine being anywhere else — that’s what heals the incurable part of me.
We live in an age where this hard core feminist, live alone/die alone, autonomous archetype is imposed upon us — We should be completely content with being alone, taking care of ourselves alone, eating alone, vacationing alone, living alone.
To which I call, bullshit. Sometimes, being alone sucks.
There, I said it. Does that make me desperate? No. It makes me human. We aren’t meant to do this alone. Raising a family alone, witnessing life alone — It’s unnatural and unhealthy. This life is meant to be shared.
I love my alone time to recharge, rest, create, work, and dance naked. Moments of aloneness are just what the soul orders on a daily basis, but there’s this place in my heart that aches every day, for that side-by- side “eating out of the same bowl” experience.
The hardest part for me is being patient — Continuing to live my life fully, without being distracted by the dream or desire to meet the right companion.
This is my daily practice — to keep eating out of the bowl, while sitting under the blanket by myself, and enjoy it. Yet, I can’t help that feeling which always seems to rise, no matter what I do — The yearning for connection, soul connection.
Do you know that feeling, too? When connection becomes a reality?
When your mind finally quiets down. You’re not on guard anymore. You can settle into your bones, rest your head upon a steady shoulder, and know that it’s ok to close your eyes, or maybe even fall asleep because he’s got you, he’s there, by your side. ~Rebecca