Unsubscribe: It’s Not You, It’s Me.

I’m breaking up with my junk mail.

The trash file in my inbox is a blue-dotted boneyard of last minute clothing and furniture sales, coupons, redundant life advice, Little Gym schedules and trip offers to places I have no interest in going.

Each day, I select all and trash the barrage of fluff, until last week; I decided to spend the few seconds to unsubscribe to the emails as they trickle in.

Some businesses make it easy: Thank you. We’re sorry to see you go. You have been unsubscribed.

But some, grab on to my leg and won’t let go: Are you sure? Are you sure you want to leave? We want to know why! Did you mean to break up with us, or was it an accident? What did we do wrong? Are we too much for you? Are we not what you expected? Are we not giving you what you need?

I’ve found it never fares well to blame the other, so I choose the “it’s not you, it’s me” explanation: I’ve changed and because of that, you and I are not compatible or relevant to one another any more.

That’s the truth and the reason why most relationships end. Whether it’s a romping room for toddlers, a travel site, a friendship, a romantic relationship, a teacher/student, parent/child or business partnership, at some point, we stop being relevant to one another.

The Little Gym was great, when my kids were toddlers. I looked forward to the scheduling updates, but not anymore; they’re growing up. When I was searching for answers, I needed the wisdoms of Rinpoche, but now I don’t mind the fear; I thrive in the uncertainty. Years ago, I’d start salivating when I saw the HALF-YEARLY SALE subject line, but I rarely shop these days.

It’s time to move on. Unsubscribe.

Relationships are based on reciprocity of service to one another, whether that be, in service of love, support, money, knowledge or pleasure. As time progresses and we mature, we outgrow what the other has to offer us and vice versa. It wouldn’t be healthy if we were still learning from our first grade teacher, or living at home with our parents, or remaining in a job that we’re no longer passionate about.

Some relationships are able to remain in service for a lifetime, because each person supports the growth of the other, they work at adapting and serving the transforming needs of each other and recognize the valuable benefit of staying together. However, most relationships end because the people within them change: their needs, wants and life circumstances change, therefore diminishing the relevance of the relationship.

It’s healthy that we outgrow each other; it means we’re evolving!

Unsubscribing to virtual mail has strengthened my understanding of real human relationships. Letting go of people in our lives who no longer serve our current state isn’t disrespectful: it’s loving.

We deserve to be a priority in the inbox of each other’s lives, but if we’re being moved, or we are moving someone to the periphery of our lives, it’s time to take the time to unsubscribe and let them go. ~Rebecca


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