What I Learned From CrossFit.

“I hate myself while I’m doing it, but I like how I feel after!”

She was motivated to get in as many reps as possible, amassing a twenty-calorie burn on the hamster wheel bike before beginning a set of eight to twelve burpees, again.

By the time she was done, I’d only burned seven calories; I got on the bike three minutes before her.

I came to the CrossFit gym with a cross to bear. I’ve had a vehement dislike for this particular exercise craze; I think it’s crazy, but I had to try it before I could stake my dislike for good.

It turns out it’s not CrossFit I dislike; it’s my attitude that’s the problem. My close minded-ness and ego stood in the way of integrating into the experience.

It was a reminder of how dangerous beliefs are, and how easily they change a positive experience into a negative one, before it even begins.

I walked in to the gym with an arm up and a permeating disdain for the sport; the coach felt it.

She immediately went into defense mode.

Bitch, I thought to myself. She wasn’t the bitch; she was reflecting my bitchiness, rightly so.

I came face-to-face with a fatal flaw of mine: perfectionism.

If I can’t be the best at something right off the bat, I run from it. I don’t like seeing myself weak. I don’t want to fail, or fall, or make a fool of myself, so I stay in my bubble. I play it safe.

I felt excluded; I excluded myself.

No one else in the gym cared if they had perfect form, if they were doing the exercise correctly and safely; they were just doing it.

Not me.

I had to make sure every breath facilitated every movement. Some call that mindfulness, but on Friday at 5:15PM, I’d call it straight up arrogance.

I walked out before class was over, to get away from the situation I put myself in, but it only made me feel worse.

Wherever you go, there you are.

I’ve lugged that 45 minutes on Friday afternoon all the way to this morning; I’m setting it down now.

The girl on the bike and I shared something in common: I hated myself, too. But–not because I was giving it all I had and was so out of breath I thought my heart might explode.


I hated myself because I wasn’t trying at all, to be in the moment and enjoy the experience for what it was: a chance to try something new and just do the best I could.

Maybe if I had, I would have liked it after all. ~Rebecca



One thought on “What I Learned From CrossFit.

  1. This made me smile and cringe simultaneously because that’s EXACTLY how I approached Bikram after teaching Hatha for 12 years. And having been an ACSM Health & Fitness certified professional, it’s probably the excuse that has kept me from doing CrossFit. Truth be told, my ego is what keeps me from CrossFit. It’s probably why I loved this article so. Thank you for sharing and reminding us the power of beliefs, the maya of our excuses, and the necessity to walk right up to the ego and experience a situation anyway!

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